Can Bahá’ís date? Yes, but Bahá’í dating looks a little different. The goal of courtship is to discover whether two people share the values and character for a lasting marriage, and the Bahá’í teachings offer clear principles to guide that search. This guide explains those principles and how to apply them today, including when you meet someone online.
The purpose of courtship
There is no single “Bahá’í dating rulebook.” Instead, the writings set out principles. Couples choose each other freely; marriage is meant to be a spiritual as well as a physical union; and before marrying, each person is asked to become “thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other.” Courtship is the time to do that, with honesty, patience and prayer.
This makes Bahá’í courtship purposeful without being rushed. Casual dating for its own sake is not the goal. Instead, two people spend time together to discover whether they could build a happy, united family.
Chastity and modesty
Bahá’ís are asked to save sexual relations for marriage. Shoghi Effendi described the standard simply: “Before marriage absolutely chaste, after marriage absolutely faithful to one’s chosen companion.” Far from being a burden, many couples find that keeping physical boundaries lets them focus on friendship, conversation and character, the things that last.
Practical ideas that help:
- Spend time together in public places and in group settings.
- Agree on your boundaries early and respect them.
- Avoid alcohol and situations that make good decisions harder.
- Focus on shared activities: service projects, devotional gatherings, walks, cooking for friends.
For a deeper look, read Chastity and Sexual Intimacy as a Bahá’í.
Getting to know character
Character shows over time and in different situations. Try to see each other:
- Serving others: at a community event, a children’s class or helping a friend move.
- Under pressure: when plans go wrong, at the end of a long day or when you disagree.
- With family and friends: how someone treats the people closest to them says a lot.
- In consultation: making a decision together, listening and being willing to change your mind.
Good conversation is essential. Our guide Questions to Ask Before Marriage has 56 questions on faith, family, children, money and more. You may also enjoy The Importance of Knowing Your Partner’s Character.
Involving family and friends
Because a Bahá’í marriage requires the consent of all living parents, it helps to involve families early. Introduce your partner to your parents, listen to their impressions and give them time to get to know the person you care about. Trusted friends and married couples can also offer perspective you might miss. When the time comes, our guide to Bahá’í marriage, parental consent and the wedding vow explains what happens next.
Meeting Bahá’í singles online, safely
Bahá’ís live in nearly every country, often in small communities, so many couples now meet online. A Bahá’í-focused site such as Bahá’í Mingle helps you find people who already share your values. A few safety habits make online courtship much safer:
- Keep early conversations on the site until you feel you know the person.
- Video call before you meet, so you know the person is who they say they are.
- Meet in a public place and tell a friend or family member where you will be.
- Never send money, gift cards or personal financial details to someone you have not met, whatever the story.
- Trust your instincts. Block and report anyone who pressures you or makes you uncomfortable.
On Bahá’í Mingle you can search by age, country, state and city, see members near you on a map, and use private messages and instant chat. Creating a profile is free.
Long-distance courtship
Long-distance relationships are common among Bahá’ís who meet online. They can work well when both people are intentional:
- Schedule regular video calls, and pray or read the writings together.
- Visit each other’s communities and families when you can.
- Talk early about where you would live and whose work would move.
- Spend enough time together in person before deciding to marry.
Red flags to watch for
- Pressure to move faster than you are comfortable with, physically or emotionally.
- Requests for money, or stories that keep changing.
- Unwillingness to meet your family or to video call.
- Disrespect toward you, your faith or other people.
- Avoiding important topics such as children, finances or past marriages.
- Anger or contempt during disagreements instead of consultation.
Common questions
Are Bahá’ís allowed to date?
Yes. Bahá’ís are free to choose their own partners and to spend time getting to know them. Courtship should be chaste and aimed at discovering whether the couple is suited for marriage.
Can a Bahá’í date someone who is not a Bahá’í?
Yes. Bahá’ís may marry people of other faiths, and the same principles of chastity, character and family consent apply.
How long should courtship last?
There is no set length. Take as long as you need to know each other’s character well. Once you are engaged, talk with your Local Spiritual Assembly about the marriage requirements.
Where can I meet Bahá’í singles?
Locally at community gatherings, conferences and summer schools, and online on Bahá’í Mingle, a free Bahai dating site with members in 125 countries.
Quotations are from the Bahá’í writings as published in the compilation on family life and marriage on the official Bahá’í website.
